I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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