Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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