Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
