You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
