So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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