I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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