Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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