We're facebook friends in real life
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
