a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
