Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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