I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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