carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
