Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
