Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
