The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Buhtt sex?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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