Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
