I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
