also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
