My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
