I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
