i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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