Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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