Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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