if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
