So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
