At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
