My underwear smells like fireworks.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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