I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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