the new term for farting is butt boxing.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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