Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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