There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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