I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
