I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
