marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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