You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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