I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
