Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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