My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
