I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
