Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
