Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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