Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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