did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
