cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
