I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
