omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
