If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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