Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
