I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
