why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
