I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
