I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We are all done wearing pants today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
