He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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