I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
