I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
