My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
