Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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