anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
