She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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