Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize