Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
