Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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