I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
