New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
