I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this just has baby written all over it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize