The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
