Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
