..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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