Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is my gift to your gina
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
