not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
