Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
