What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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