so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
