They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
